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<title>〘𝐀𝐍𝐗𝐈𝐄𝐓𝐘〙𝗄𝖺𝗋𝗅𝗇𝖺𝗉𝗂𝗍𝗒 by thatdislexicbitch</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30061518">〘𝐀𝐍𝐗𝐈𝐄𝐓𝐘〙𝗄𝖺𝗋𝗅𝗇𝖺𝗉𝗂𝗍𝗒</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdislexicbitch/pseuds/thatdislexicbitch'>thatdislexicbitch</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Minecraft (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alexis | Quackity Angst, Alexis | Quackity Needs a Hug, Alexis | Quackity-centric, Anxiety, Blood and Injury, Bottom Alexis | Quackity, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Angst, Gay Sex, Minor Character(s), Sad, Suicide Attempt</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:54:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,339</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30061518</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatdislexicbitch/pseuds/thatdislexicbitch</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>when quackity moved in<br/>with sapnap and karl<br/>he didn't expect to feel that way<br/>he didn't want to step in<br/>he didn't want to ruin them<br/>he didn't want to, but<br/>he filled his body with<br/>anxiety and jealousy<br/>he started to feel too much<br/>to talk too little</p>
<p>the anxiety monster was always waiting outside his bedroom<br/>he waited till he went outside, just to be slapped with waves of jealousy at the sight of karl and sapnap making out, cuddling, calling themselves pet names, caressing each other; you name it, alex couldn't stand the sight of the two of them, not because he was grossed out, or because he was homophobic, but because he knew that deep down he wanted to be part of those lovable moments, he wanted to be touched, to be kissed, to even be fucked by them, he wanted that... but he couldn't, he couldn't break their relationship, he couldn't ruin their friendship, he couldn't risk being rejected</p>
<p>so he swallowed his feelings<br/>he swallowed all his thoughts<br/>till he became numb<br/>till he finally reached his stop<br/>he finally exploded</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Alexis | Quackity &amp; Grayson | Purpled, Alexis | Quackity &amp; Sapnap, Alexis | Quackity &amp; Wilbur Soot, Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs, Alexis | Quackity/Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Alexis | Quackity/Technoblade (Video Blogging RPF), Cara | CaptainPuffy &amp; Niki | Nihachu, Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs/Wilbur Soot</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>218</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Introduction</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>
    <em>Q</em>
  </b>
  <em>uackity let himself relax under the touch of the cold water, it burned but he didn't mind, it wasn't like he hadn't felt worse; his hair stayed dry as he slowly allowed himself to submerge his lower body into the freezing sensation, a soft whimper leaving his mouth as the water found it's way to his abdomen</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He for once in a long long time, forgot about his past abuse and all his voices on the background of his head wailing for him to pay attention to the hurtful thing they were saying; instead, a picture of sapnap and karl found a way to sneak into his mind</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The image showed as karl back hugged the Mexican boy and sapnap planted sloppy kisses on his neck, leaving light pinkish marks, slowly reaching to his lips, sliding his tongue inside quackitys mouth making him moan loudly; Karl's dainty hands made their way to quackity's chest tracing random figures</em>
  <em> as </em>
  <em>One of the pyro's hand tugged roughly on alex's hair</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Quickly, quackity opened his eyes, trying to erase that image from his brain, guilt washing over his features as he forcefully digs his sharp pointy nails on his thighs</em>
</p><p>
  <em>' why would you even think about that? why did you think it? why did you like it? '</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But then again it didn't seem so wrong, it didn't feel so bad, he couldn't lie to himself, he did like the image, he liked the way sapnap's kiss made him feel, the way karl's cold hands touched his chest; but the guilt, the thought of karl and sapnap being boyfriends, the thought of him stepping in their relationship and ruining it for them, he couldn't do that to them, not now, not when they saved him from jshlatt hands, not when they gave him shelter and food</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His hands started shaking as he was no longer in control of his thoughts and the images of him and his best friends doing romantic things flashed through his mind, he couldn't stop them, he couldn't erase them, so he drowned himself in the freezing water</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Black hair dancing at the peace of the water, his eyes shut sharply, little bubbles of air reaching the edge of the bathtub</em>
</p><p>
  <b>You can't do that to them</b>
</p><p>
  <b>You can't think like that</b>
</p><p>
  <b>You are such a slut thinking about them at the same time</b>
</p><p>
  <b>It's embarrassing for us to see you being so greedy</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Not only you want sapnap but also karl?</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Is disgusting, and guess what alex, they would think the same</b>
</p><p>
  <b>They don't love you like they love each other</b>
</p><p>
  <b>They are way out of your league</b>
</p><p>
  <b>You just got saved and you pull this</b>
</p><p>
  <b>It took them so long to get you to leave jshlatt</b>
</p><p>
  <b>But who are you kidding, you didn't was to be saved</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Cause deep down you </b>
  <b>knew</b>
</p><p>
  <b>You always liked them</b>
</p><p>
  <b>You knew if you spend more time with them</b>
</p><p>
  <b>You would fall for them</b>
</p><p>
  <b>You were supposed to be happy...</b>
</p><p>
  <b>It's so sad you don't know-how</b>
</p><p>
  <em>He sat up rapidly making the water splash over the edge wetting the floor; he took deep breaths, trying to recover from being underwater for at least two minutes, finally, the voices died down</em>
</p><p>
  <em>" fucking hell okay, didn't know I was that messed up " he grumbled softly throwing a towel around his waist, leaving the bathroom</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nervously he made his path to the kitchen, wanting something to eat,</em><br/>
<em>but of course, it wouldn't be that easy, on the way there he found both of his best friends making out at the counter</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He tried not to linger his eyes too much on the picture before his eyes, struggling to keep his mind in another place he tripped over a box, getting the attention of the couple</em>
</p><p>
  <em>First was Karl who looked rather embarrassed and concerned about his friend. He munched on his lower lip having difficulty looking away from alex toned body that was still painted with water droplets</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On the other hand, Sapnap didn't even try to hide the fact that he was indeed checking him out, he couldn't help but stare at the boy -not so covered- thighs, wondering what would it feel to be between them, his dirty thoughts racing over his mind.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>" Are you okay quackity? " the oldest one asked weakly</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alex's face turned beet red, choking on his own words</em>
</p><p>
  <em>" I- I'm fi-fine, just... J-just a little bit hungry, b-but don't worry I will leave you alone " his voice sounded hoarse, as he shakily grabbed one apple and a banana from the table, turning around to race to his bedroom</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Once again they were left alone, both of them with similar thoughts about their best friend, ones more sexual than others</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karl stared at the spot where alex was standing seconds ago, slightly excited by how much their presence could make him nervous. With one of his hands he grabbed sapnap's chin, to his surprise his partner seemed to be doing the same</em>
</p><p>
  <em>" he was so nervous " karl mumbled to his boyfriend, looking directly at his eyes</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nick slowly nodded, his cheeks were now dusted with pink. His mind recreating the same scenario over and over again, he could even hear the moans in his head</em>
</p><p>
  <em>" yeah... he looked hot " agreed sapnap earning a soft gasp from his partner " you don't fool me karl, you were thinking about him too, we've been thinking bout him since he stepped in this house, I'm not mad about it, I think about him too, but my thoughts are a lot dirtier than yours " now was karl's time to be blushing</em>
</p><p> </p><p>_______________________________________________________________________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Alex locked himself in his small bedroom, dropping the towel on the floor, getting dressed in his pajamas, he let himself burn, it was hurting him, that weird feeling bubbling on the pit of his stomach, the anxiety rushing slowly from the tip of his toes to his head</em>
</p><p>
  <em>' breath, breath you need to breath '</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He stumbled to his meds cabinet, opening the clonazepam orange bottle and throwing two pills on his mouth</em>
</p><p>
  <em>' calm down you need to calm down '</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Swallowing dry he sat close to the window, looking outside trying to find a distraction</em>
</p><p>
  <em>' count the stars '</em>
</p><p>
  <em>' see how many different shades of blue you can find '</em>
</p><p>
  <em>' what are the sounds you can hear '</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Lazily he started counting, the stars looked so beautiful tonight, the different shades of blue mixed so well together it almost seemed like it was one shade all along, even the sound of the ocean seemed like a lullaby to him</em>
</p><p>
  <em>' sing the song '</em>
</p><p>
  <b>You are too old to sing that stupid song</b>
</p><p>
  <b>What a weirdo</b>
</p><p>
  <em>" soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur, happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr purr purr "</em><br/>
<em>He sang quietly</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His breath had slowed down, and the sensation of burning was washed by a cold breeze, the pills seemed to kick in making him sleepy</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Without even noticing he fell asleep on the floor, resting his head on the wall. He looked calm, peaceful almost, his eyebrows were no longer furrowed like they usually did, and his hands were open, no bloodied nails or cut palms</em>
</p><p>
  <em>God he loved those pills</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Zero : The start of something</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>Alex muffled his moans with the pillow, biting it, soft warm tears spilled down his cheeks as sapnap hands roamed around his body, teasing him, one of his long chubby fingers tracing down his chest to his lower abdomen making the boy under him twitch</b>
</p><p>
  <b>« you are such a dirty whore, I didn't even touch you and you are this hard »</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A soft snicker was heard from the sofa facing the bed, where karl watched as it happened</b>
</p><p>
  <b>« please, please sapnap... »</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Without even thinking, the pyro's hand wrapped around his bestfriend length, moving his hand up and down painfully slow</b>
</p><p>
  <b>« stop teasing » alex implored, bucking his hips up and down trying to get more action</b>
</p><p>
  <b>« stop teasing yourself » sapnap's voice said with a harsh and angry tone</b>
</p><p>
  <b>Quackity looked up to him with confusion</b>
</p><p>
  <b>« what? »</b>
</p><p>
  <b>A light smirk painted sapnap's face</b>
</p><p>
  <b>« wake up »</b>
</p><p>
  <b>And so he did</b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b> <em>________________________________________________________________________________________</em> </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Alex awoke in a cold sweat, his mind retracing over his wet dream, almost immediately he felt his face burn up, a hot sensation rushing throughout his full body</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘ fuck, fuck, fuck ’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He sat up, back pain sending him over the edge, feeling like thousands of needles. With difficulty, he waddled to his bed where an apple and bananas awaited him</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ oh god I love myself so much for bringing food to my room last night » he praised himself, taking the apple to his mouth</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The dream fading onto oblivion, no more whining, no more teasing, no more degradation</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He stood up, failing to ignore his boner</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘ oh fuck off, you weren't supposed to be there ’</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So now he only had two options, go to the bathroom on the other side of the hallway in where he could be seen by sapnap and karl, or wait in his bedroom which could go one of two ways, one: wait till it gets down or two: masturbate and cream his new boxers</em>
</p><p>
  <em>‘ I don't think I love myself that much anymore ’</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>________________________________________________________________________________________</em>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>It was seven in the morning, no one was awake but sapnap who was awoken by karl's alarm clock, which he didn't woke up to</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Angrily he stood up walking down the hallway to the kitchen only to be caught by the delicate and faded grumbles and moans that leaked from quackitys room</em>
</p><p><em>Not wanting to accept the fact that they sounded better than </em> <em>karl's, he rubbed his forehead with frustration, he felt slightly guilty, but he knew if karl were here he would also stop to listen to him. So he did, he slowly unlocked the door from the outside and he walked towards the shorter boy scattered on the floor</em></p><p>
  <em>His whimpers and whines were louder now, earning a sigh from sapnap, he found himself touching alex's face, cleaning the glowy sweat from his forehead; his other hand on quackity's left inner thigh, caressing it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ stop teasing ” muttered alex, still asleep</em>
</p><p>
  <em>That earned a smirk from the texas boy</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ who are you dreaming about, little duck ” sapnap wondered standing up letting go of alex thigh</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He saw as the eyebrows of the seepy boy creased in discomfort, already missing sapnap's touches</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He gave him one last glance, trying to get a longer memory; alex's chest went up and down rapidly, his lips barely parted as shaky noises came out of there and his pants were pent up</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Oh what a sweet view for Sapnap</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>________________________________________________________________________________________</em>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>“ what took you so long? ” karl asked suggling against sapnap's chest</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sapnap hesitated, looking down to his boyfriend</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ I assumed alex was awake, so I went to look, I thought he was crying or having a panic attack; turns out he was just having a wet dream ” that was enough to catch the attention of karl</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A playful smile dancing on his lips</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ did you enjoy the sight? ” the question was asked in a playful tone, not a jealous one, because he knew he would have done the same</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sapnap's cheeks turned red, nodding</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ yeah, he looked almost angelic ” he said in a mumble</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karl couldn't help but feel happy, he didn't know why, or for what, but he felt amazing, he didn't feel jealous or angry at his partner</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ I bet he did... He is so pretty ”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The couple silently agreed, their fingers interlocked as they went back to sleep</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. One: Brother and Heaven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Grayson entered his brother house like it was his, not bothering to close the front door he walked straight to the kitchen, taking a bottle of whipped cream and some strawberries</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ oh hi sapnap, is nice to see you, big bro, can I please take some food from your kitchen? Oh is no problem Grayson, is lovely to see you here, you can take whatever you want ” sapnap say with sarcasm, seeing as his brother didn't bother to greet him or knock on the door</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The younger one rolled his eyes, shoving a strawberry in his mouth</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ sure, Nick, because I want to interrupt your little making out session with your idiot boyfriend karl ” karl audibly gasped at purpled who seemed to be in a bad mood</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ hey don't talk to him like that ” the younger brother didn't recognize that voice, did karl have a brother?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Slowly he turned to look at him, and oh lord, he almost choked on the whipped cream; the boy was dressed in a button-up shirt and some cute booty shorts, and his hair was tied in a man bun</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karl's jaw dropped on the floor at the sight of his best friend, he looked so good, and for what?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ s-sorry bro, I didn't mean it to sound so harsh, I'm just in a bad mood ” the blonde one apologized</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And now was sapnap's time to act surprised, when did purpled actually apologized? no, that was impossible, his little brother never apologized, that little runt was filled with anger and rage</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ wha...how, did you just apologize? ” he asked shocked</em>
</p><p>
  <em>His brother nodded, his cheeks burning red, sending glares to sapnap</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ it's okay... Uh... ”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ my name is Grayson, but you can call me gray or purpled ” he clarified</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The couple shared looks, Grayson never let anyone call him gray, what did Alex do to have that level of trust with him</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Toying with his bun, Alex nodded</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“it's okay, gray, just don't do that again, that's my best friend, I don't like when people trash talk him; is it clear? ” purpled nodded “ cool ”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The Mexican boy turned around to go back to his bedroom, but a hand on his forearm stopped him, looking up he saw </em>
  <em>sapnap's little brother</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ do... Do you maybe what to play some bedwars? We can team ” narrowing his eyes alex nodded</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ I'm trash at the game tho ”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ don't worry I can teach you, I promise I won't make fun of you ” he reassured, slithering his arm around alex's waist</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They disappeared into the hallway</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ what just happened? ” asked karl</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sharing a look of confusion the pair stared longingly to where they were standing moments ago</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>__________________________________________________________________________</em>
</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>Purpled sat next to alex, his laptop next to Alex's computer, he just finished explaining some tricks and rules</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alex's skin jumped to the void trying to clutch on the side of the build, failing as expected</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Making a pout with his lips, he lowered down his head, slowly balling his fists in anger and frustration. The blonde one couldn't help but 'aw', he looked so cute, like a little kitten; he hovered the older one body, taking one of his fists in his hand and spreading it</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ don't hurt yourself, it's just a game ” he said, alex slowly looking up to him, making the blonde one blush</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Purpled guided alex's hand to the mouse and putting his on top</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ you just gotta... ” he licked his lips, concentrating on the game “... And there you go, an easy and simple clutch. It's not that hard, but you're just starting to play, is normal not to win ” he looked down to alex, just to find him already looking at him</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A shy smile making it's way to the blonde's face</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ you sound nothing like sapnap ”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ that's my goal ”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>__________________________________________________________________________</p><p> </p><p><br/>
<em>Karl snuggled against sapnap's chest, a feeling of uneasy about alex being alone with purpled. Sapnap's fingers playing with his hair, softly braiding it; for the hundredth time karl turned around, earning a sigh from sapnap</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ what is bothering you? ”  sapnap asked, seeing as his fiancé couldn't find a nice spot to relax</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ it doesn't sit right with me the fact that your brother is alone with alex in a room ” he complained, letting out a whine, nick gave him a pointed look “ look I get it, it's just a game of bedwars, but your brother is a hormonal child and unless you're blind, Alex is looking like a whole snack ” covering his mouth, nick let out a laugh</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sapnap thought once again to the events of the morning, how good he looked with his hand between his thighs, the soft yet loudish moans, that shakiness in his voice... He couldn't help but feel himself growing hotter; maybe it was how quackity melted onto his touch or the fact that he seemed so pained by the lack of touch when he left, either of those, maybe the two at the same time</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ sapnap, are you listening to me? ” asked karl trying to figure out what was sapnap thinking about</em>
</p><p>
  <em>With red cheeks and a lustfull look in his eyes, Nick looked down to his fiancé</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ alex is so hot, you should have been there with me this morning, he looked so good, oh and his moans, he sounded like heaven, and the way he trembled under my touch... ” karl frowned</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ you touched him? ” sapnap's mouth went dry, he didn't know how to respond</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karl had a stare in his face his boyfriend couldn't make out, the truth was... He felt jealousy, not because sapnap was complimenting his best friend, but because he wished he was the one who found alex, he wished he was the one touching him, the one listening to him, the one seeing how aesthetically pleasing he was</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ uh... Yeah, I'm sorry if you feel bad ” he shook his head</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ im not mad about that, but im mad that you did that without alex's consent, he didn't know you were doing that, it's wrong, you shouldn't have done that ” he argued, sitting down a little far from sapnap, who bit his lip with a glimpse of regret</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ I know I shouldn't had, but he looked so good, and he was rubbing his thighs, I couldn't help but try to help him ” Karl's cheeks blushed violently at the image building in his head “ and guess what karl, you would have done that too! You can't blame me! ” he screamed trying to defend himself</em>
</p><p>
  <em>After a hot second thinking about it, karl gave in, it was true, he would have done the same if not worse, still, he was slightly jealous</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alex fragile and trembling naked body would look so good </em>
  <em>under his, begging for mercy, violet hickies all over his neck and chest. The image was enough to make his pants pent up</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ you're right, I would have done it too ” mumbled the taller one shyly</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sapnap smirked, he knew he was right, any thinking human being would have done that, alex was one whole meal everyone would kill to taste</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Two: Bedwars is a game of two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Purpled looked down to alex's exposed thick thighs, his hand fighting with his mind to place it on top of them, squeezing it, but he didn't, it would have been weird</em>
</p><p>
  <em>They had stopped the training and now they were playing a real game, teaming, and even tho alex sucked, purpled told himself he wouldn't point it out, not when he had a slight crush on him</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alex's character destroyed yellow's bed and killed one of the members of said team, with that winning the game</em>
</p><p>
  <em>A proud smile spread across the blonde's face</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ Did you see it? Did you see that? I killed him, I broke the bed, did you see what I did? ” his voice filled with emotion and happiness</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Biting his lip Grayson nodded, he was so proud and happy about alex's success, taking a little break from the game, purpled hugged tightly alex's body</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The shorter boy opted for hiding his face on the younger's one chest, seeing as he couldn't reach higher, his soft breaths sending shivers down Grayson's spine</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ you did so good alex! It was awesome! I'm so proud of you, such a good play ” praised purpled, sliding his fingers down alex's hair, untying his bun “ your hair is so soft and silky ”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alex had to bit back his tongue in order to not moan, if you had to know something about Alex it would be that he was a fucking whore for praising. he couldn't help that he was turned on my his praising, it just made him feel so much better</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ Thank you, Gray! ”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Before they could break their embrace, the door opened showing Karl and Sapnap</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alex and Grayson separated quickly, before looking at the couple</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ uh... Hi? ” greeted the Mexican boy, slightly confused by the sudden visit</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Purpled glared at both boys on the door, he was so angry, he was furious, the one time he got to actually touch the pretty boy, his brother and his childish boyfriend had to interrupt</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And while purpled felt frustrated, Sapnap could feel the jealousy and anger bubbling up in his body, why was the little runt touching alex's hair, why are they hugging. Karl on the other hand, frowned, not knowing how to feel about the scene before his eyes, I mean he knew alex was allowed to have other friends, but he didn't like the idea of him being so touchy with other boys</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ hi kitten ” purred karl, a soft blush covering alex's face</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's been a while since karl or sapnap have called him kitten, it was an old pet name they gave him since he always acted like a cat, and one-time he got dared to put cat ears on and meow, since then they didn't let him live that down</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ ki-kit-kitten? ” alex stuttered, not being used to that pet name</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sapnap smirked at the reaction of his best friend while Grayson balled his fists with rage, how was it that his brother always ruined all his plans</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ yes, kitten, we were wondering if you wanted to play bedwars with us too, it seems like you are winning all the games  ” Alex was about to answer to sapnap, but purpled was faster than him</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ no sapnap, we don't want to play with you and your boyfriend, stop being so fucking jealous that your best friend is spending time with me, now turn around and get the fuck out of here ” his voice had a threatening tone that made Alex swallow his words; putting one hand on alex thigh, he stood up “ haven't you heard? Bedwars is a game of two ”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <b>_______________________________________________________________</b>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Sapnap locked himself in his bedroom, the feeling of anger run along his body, he didn't know why was he so angry, but the thought of being so close to alex, the thought of how touchy were they being, uhg... He hated that, he hated that alex didn't defend him, he hated that he wasn't the only one that touched alex's thighs, he hated that purpled was allowed to play with alex's perfect raven hair</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But then again, it wasn't his place to be jealous, he had a boyfriend that he loved, he had karl, but the thought of alex was enough to make him crumble</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alex was his bestfriend, he was his roommate, his kitten, </em>
  <b>
    <em>his</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <b>
    <em>_______________________________________________________________</em>
  </b>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Grayson had left, and alex was now sitting on the couch, his knees up to his chest while being covered by a fluffy blanket. He had a cup filled with mint tea between his hands, and his hair was styled by two silly cat ears karl had forced on his head</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He said « but you look so cute, and pretty with them on... Besides you owe that to us, for not letting us play with you » and while yes he knew what was he talking about, his mind had gone other way</em>
</p><p>
  <em>So there he was, cat ears on and La rosa de Guadalupe on the TV, earning little giggles from catboy-Alex</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ what are you laughing about kitten? ” Karl's soft voice asked</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Once again his cheeks started to burn up again, that pet name was enough to make him dissolve into a puddle of submission</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karl was now sitting next to him, his hands playing with the raven strands of Alex's hair</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ well- it's funny cause these little kids that are like eight are smoking, and... Well if I say it like that it sounds sad and so wrong, but trust me, if you knew Spanish you would laugh too ” he explained, melting under Karl's touch</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ it does sound funny... ” said the older one</em>
</p><p>
  <em>And for a second, alex felt right, he felt like he wasn't doing anything wrong, no alarms in his head telling him to run, just peacefulness, silence, a blank mind, it was nice</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Three: Bittersweet love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Trigger warning: Self-harm, blood</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>The three of them found themselves in the living room, watching some romantic movie. Karl snuggling at the side of his fiancé, with a fluffy blanket, and Alex on the floor, distanced from them, sitting on the carpet floor, with his cat ears and a big-ass hoodie that covered almost all his body </em>
  <em>and was obviously not his</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Sapnap adverted his eyes from the movie to Karl's face, admiring his beautiful features, fluffy hair covering his eyes making him look like an angel, he reached to his cheek and he started to caress it with his thumb, earning the attention of his boyfriend, who just leaned onto his touch; Slowly but surely they started a quiet make-out session</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Karl's lips moved softly, biting his lover's lips and sliding his tongue, his hand sliding towards nick's chocolate brown locks, tugging lightly</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Alex just watched as it happened from the dark, making sure he wouldn't be caught staring, an acid-like feeling slashing across his chest, painfully burning him, his eyes watering slightly. </em>
  <em>Blood pumping onto his vein rapidly, it almost seemed as if he could feel how it moved, his heart beating concerningly fast, warm tears sliding down his cheeks, as the soft almost inaudible moans of karl filled the air</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>That sweet honey-like voice, laced with lust and neediness piercing his ears, poisoning his brain with unholy thoughts, faint voices now getting louder. Screaming at him, that horrific voice told him so many wrong things, knifes and guns playing onto his mind, as well as karl's angelic moans playing like a broken record on the distance</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His tears were now thicker and heavier, burning his skin, making it feel like acid, his brain slowly melting into a bloody and lust-filled daydream</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His hand was now resting on his thigh, a clump of raven hair in it, slowly falling onto the warm carpet floor</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Feeling as his breath started to stop he sat up quickly, making the popcorn fall on the floor, stealing the lover's attention. He stared at the wall for a split second before running towards the bathroom</em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Such a bad friend</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>You feel pleasure at his little moans, don't you?</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Guess what alex...</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>They'll never be caused because of you</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>You are so disgusting, look at your hair, and your body, fat ass whore</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Nobody likes you</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Why would they?</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>They just pretend</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Did you really just think that you are their friend?</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>And that boy?</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Grayson, right?</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>He is not your friend</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>He will never be</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>He just wants to fuck with your emotions</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>And you are gonna let him</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Because you are one needy cum slut</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>You'll do anything for a good cock</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>You are so nasty</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>You should just slit your throat</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>But not here in their house</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>That would be disrespectful to them</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>They would have to clean your blood and make a funeral</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Do you know how expensive cleaning supplies are?</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Do you know how expensive funerals are?</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>And for what?</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>No one would go!</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Because you are nothing</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>You are insignificant</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Just a little good for nothing</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“ shut up, just shut up ” he mumbled to himself, sitting down on the cold ceramic floor “ shut up, shut up, shut up ” his voice trembling as he digged his nails on his legs</em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Oh you would like that, wouldn't you?</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>But unfortunately for you, I love making your life a living hell</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Now go to the second drawer and grab that razor blade, your wrist look too plain for me</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Shaking his head violently he started to hit the floor “ no, no, no, I won't, I can't, I would never, no, no, not again ”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>It's cute that you think you got an option</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>But let's make a deal</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>You cut your pretty little plain wrists and I leave you alone for two days...</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>
    <em>How do you like that?</em>
  </b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“ Karl would be disappointed if I did that ” he tried to reason with his inner demon</em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Who cares?</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Isn't karl the one that caused this?</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>And anyways why do you care so much about his disappointment?</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>He is being pounded by Nick right now</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>It's not like if he actually cares</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“ he... He is, i- if I do it... If I do it, would you promise to shut up? Please ” his voice above a whisper, his tears now drenching the collar of the hoodie</em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Pinky promise</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>You cut I zip</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“ o-oh, okay, let's just get over with this one ”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Such a good boy</b>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>___________________________________________________________</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Karl stared wide-eyed at the popcorn scattered on the floor, soft pink dusting his cheeks, scolding himself for being so inconsiderate, for being a bad friend</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>He had forgotten Alex was there, he absolutely forgot Alex was sitting next to them, he felt like a jerk</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>How could he?</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Not only making him uncomfortable but the movie...</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The movie</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His eyes traveled to the TV, where the movie was playing, it was all so violent, all the abuse, all the PTSD, he caused that</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His heart clenching at the thought of it, going back to moments ago, when Alex got up, he saw the hot tears his eyes spilled, he says the way he clenched his fist, the way the bowl of popcorn just dropped on the floor</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“ I'm such a jerk, I'm a bad friend, it's all my fault ” he muttered frowning his eyebrows “ I'm so inconsiderate, not only I just started making out with you like he was not there, moaning may I add, but i also selected a movie full of violence and abuse. Wasn't it supposed to be romantic? ” he raised his voice gradually as he talked “ I can't believe I did that, I'm a monster... He is probably feeling so bad right now ”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Nick didn't want to say anything, tho he did felt mad at karl for making </em>
  <b>
    <em>his</em>
  </b>
  <em> little duck sad, he also felt guilty, for not paying enough attention, for not stopping when he could, for not checking the movie first</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“ </em>
  <b>
    <em>My</em>
  </b>
  <em> little kitten is crying and is my fault ” Karl said without thinking</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Now Nick was actually mad, how dare he call alex his, he wasn't worthy of it, not after what he did</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“ </em>
  <b>
    <em>Yours</em>
  </b>
  <em>? I'm sorry to be the one telling you this, but he is </em>
  <b>
    <em>mine, </em>
  </b>
  <em>and after what you did you don't get to call him yours ” His voice was dripping venom, standing up from the couch and walking towards him</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Karl raised an eyebrow questioningly, what was he talking about, of course alex wasn't Sapnap's, Alex was his, he got to know him before, so therefore he is his</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“ don't even try that bullshit on me Sapnap, I knew him before you. An-and why are you even arguing about this shit, when he us probably crying himself to sleep on the floor of wherever he is ”</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“ oh shit, you're right ”</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>___________________________________________________________</em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>Bloody hands, bloody knees, blood on the floor, blood on the cloth, blade slicing skin, blade slicing him</em>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Not enough, one more</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Just one more</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Uh... One more for me</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>One</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>Just one</b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>One more</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>Red coated his hoodie sleeves, and the white floor, his tan porcelain skin was now painted with red</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>His before anxious body, was now relaxed, tired, slowly leaving the blade on the sink and resting on the floor, a blood puddle forming below his hands</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>The door opened, but he was fast asleep</em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>“ alex you there? ”</em>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Four: Blood bath</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>TW: Mention of blood and slef-harm</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>Both of them stared wide-eyed at the bloody sleeping body of Alex, just resting there</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nick was the first to move, quickly entering the bathroom, collecting the smaller boy from the floor and holding him bride-style, not caring if he got his new shirt stained by blood</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ run the bathtub ” he ordered karl</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karl was frozen in place, his eyes still staring at the puddle of blood his best friend was seconds ago resting</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ Move Karl! FUCKIN MOVE! ” sapnap screamed at him, seeing as he wasn't cooperating</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ y-yes, yes nick ” his voice shook, his limbs moving and filling the bathtub with warm water “ Sorry, sorry, I'm so sorry ” he mumbled glancing at Alex body</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ No! Shut up Karl, you don't get to talk to him... Go, go call Wilbur, fucking call him, tell him is an emergency and we need him right now! ”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The taller one just nodded running out of the bathroom, leaving Nick and Alex alone</em>
</p><p>
  <em>The pyro started to undress the shorter boy, being careful, first were the silly cat-ears, then the tight-high socks, his booty shorts, and lastly his hoodie</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Carefully lowering him in the bathtub, the water quickly staining red</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ Alex! Alex! Wake the fuck up ” he let out “ you need to wake up, because if you don't... If you don't, I- I... I wouldn't know what to do, c'mon man you can't leave me hanging, you are my best friend, my little ducky... </em>
  <em>
    <b>mine </b>
  </em>
  <em>you are mine ” he mumbled</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Alex's chest moved up and down, still alive, listening to what his friend said, but not being able to respond</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“... And you are so pretty, and you can't leave us, you can't leave </em>
  <em>
    <b>me</b>
  </em>
  <em>, that's not fair, I haven't even got the chance to tell you, to ask him, to discuss this, to... Is not fair Alex ” scolding a knocked-out body wasn't the best form to keep him alive, but who was gonna tell him that? Alex? The one knocked out?</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Nick's warm hand taking one of alex's hand, squeezing it</em>
</p><p> </p><p>____________________________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Karl, felt drowsy, like high, like drunk</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ Wilbur, we need you right now at my house, there is an emergency ” he talked on the phone</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ what happened? ” he </em>
  <em>asked </em>
  <em>groggily</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ you remember alex? My best friend? ”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ yeah, I remember that guy, cute butt, nice legs, a hot shorty, what about him? ”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karl opened and closed his mouth not knowing how to react, he was jealous about the way he was talking about his friend and at the same time was absolutely baffled by the fact that Wilbur had actually found someone hot</em>
</p><p>
  <em>You need to understand that Wilbur was a lone wolf, never had a girlfriend or boyfriend, never talked about anyone in other tone but friendly</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ uh... Yeah, him, uh... You need to come here fast, he has some pretty bad injuries on his arms, and he has lost a lot of o blood ”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ I'm on my way, don't let the shorty die, haven't got the pleasure of introducing myself properly, and put pressure on the wounds ”</em>
</p><p>
  <em>“ yes wilbur, the door is open, just bust in ”</em>
</p><p> </p><p>____________________________________________________________</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>Karl walked into the bathroom, eyes just bursting into tears as he watched his best friend sleep on his own little blood bath; His ebony hair was now tied in a ponytail. So fragile, so pale, so absolutely depressing, so shattering; it was so painful to look at. Alex's forearms were now bandaged with an old t-shirt, the red trespassing the white cloth, staining.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sapnap held the Mexican boy's hand, holding onto it like his life depended on it. He felt so incredibly mad, so sad and angry, so guilt; He just wanted to hug and kiss him, tell him how much he cared about him, how much he... did he love him? or did he just loved the idea of him? or maybe he did and he just used Karl to fill the void, maybe he did love him but it all was too scary for him to be comfortable confessing </em>
</p><p>
  <em>" I called wilbur, he is on his way" the older one informed with a soft tone " is he any better? can he respond? "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Sapnap glared at him with no shame, feeling as his ducky squeezed his hand, he let out a huff</em>
</p><p>
  <em>" Thank you, and no, he is not any better, but he seems to respond... he can squeeze my hand " his response was harsh, dripping with venom, he didn't want Karl to be there, he wanted him to be gone; He caused this, he made this happened, he shouldn't be able to see him "He seems to be waking up tho, he was to, he can't go, he is my... he is mine, I don't allow him to go, I miss him enough right now, I can't go for much longer "</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Karl frowned, he knew Alex wasn't Nick's, Alex was way more into him, Alex was his best friend  first, Alex, his little kitten, his little cat-boy </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Sure... on another note, was it your hoodie he was wearing? " Nick looked at him with wide eyes </em>
</p><p>
  <em>" No, I thought it was yours since it was bigger " Karl shook his head </em>
</p><p>
  <em>Grabbing the stained black hoodie from the floor, Sapnap examined it </em>
</p><p>
  <em>" I recognize it " He mumbled. It has that familiar smell, and it looked like something he had seen before. Both of them frowned, who was the owner of this hoodie? why was Alex wearing it? Who had dared to try and charm their little duck? </em>
</p><p>
  <em>The hoodie was simple, black cloth with a small pattern of bleached dots and stains. It smelled like forest and citrics... kinda like, like that old perfume nick once gifted to his little brother </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"That little runt" The pyro exclaimed</em>
</p><p>
  <em>the taller one stared at his fianceé with concern and curiosity </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Who?" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Grayson Fucking Halo, My stupid brother" </em>
</p><p>
  <em>And that of course was his, who else could it be, Jshlatt's? Nah that hobo smelled like piss and shit, and vomit, might as well wear nothing, besides he didn't use hoodies, he used shirts, and they were always stained with alcohol, blood and sweat</em>
</p><p>
  <em>" Guess Grayson has a better game than us " Karl mumbled before sitting next to Nick, he started to stroke the Mexican's black locks</em>
</p><p>
  <em>"Guess so"  nick whispered to himsled, not to fond of the idea. </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
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